Wondering

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Don’t die wondering

Everyone wonders
There is no stopping that so very human habit of wanting to change the unchangeable, of wondering what things might be like had we done something differently. This can range from something massive to something mundane but it happens everyday and to every one of us. This will always be the case because no human being is perfect, no human being makes no mistakes. We all do things we regret and that’s okay, it’s what makes us real. It’s okay to want to change something we did wrong, it means we’ve acknowledged the wrongdoing, that it’s altered us and made us a better person.

Just don’t sit wondering over “What if’s” for the rest of your life, get out there, change things and make sure you make decisions that mean you have as few “What if’s” as possible afterwards. Because that is the point of these mistakes that we make, they happen to give us motivation to do better, to make us learn and become better people because of them.

Everyone wonders but there is wondering and then there’s obsessing. Make sure you can distinguish between the two. Don’t get caught in your past, don’t let it rule you. Live for the now and for the future.

Dont die wondering!

Millie x

 

Don’t believe everything you think.

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Don’t believe everything you think.

I came across this quote whilst browsing the web, I couldn’t find out who said it but I think it’s very important. Our minds race each day, constantly thinking, deciding, analysing and taking in new information but sometimes they tend to lose their grasp on what’s important or what they truly believe.

We need to make sure that in the midst of all our daily deducing we manage to still keep a grip on reality and on ourselves. Don’t lose yourself in your musings or take every thought that passes through your brain as gospel. It’s okay to think things you don’t really mean, just make sure you know which thoughts those are. 

Much love as always

Millie x

Divorce is hard but it’s okay

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I’m going to do something now I’m terrified of. This is the story of my parents divorce. I’m doing this solely to try and help those with separated parents not feel alone. It’s gonna be long but it’s something that in so many ways has defined who I am now so I feel it deserves to be on my blog. I’m not looking for pity, I’m hoping to reach someone who needs to know they’re not alone.

I was almost six when it happened and honestly I don’t remember much of it. I guess I was too young. It was like one day we were all together and the next my dad was gone, living with a woman I’d never met and her kids. I guess I’m sort of glad I have very few horrible memories of their break up, I just have one awful memory of my mum screaming at my gran and running off crying into the bedroom. I remember just standing there in the hallway, so confused and feeling as small as I was and hearing my mothers sobs through the walls.

It wasn’t long after that that me my bother and my mum moved out of out country life in West Sussex, and into the city of Nottingham to live with our gran. It was odd and exciting for me, new school, so big and different compared to the six classroom job in West Sussex. I’d had a few friends back there but no one I was extremely close to so it didn’t I didn’t feel that sad to leave. This place was new and I liked it. I made friends quickly and it seemed like it was going to be alright.

Except it wasn’t, and if I’m honest it still isn’t. Ten years later and things still aren’t settled between my parents. My dad got remarried and I have two step siblings and now a half Brother. I love him of course I do-just like I love my step siblings- he’s my beautiful half brother but that’s what he’ll always be. Half. I love my mum so much and I feel guilty to her for loving something tied to the family my dad made without us. But my dad is still my dad, and glen is still my half brother. And I still love them.

My whole family is split in half and always will be and I fear if they can’t be civil with each other after ten years then they never will be. I don’t know how it is for other people with divorced parents but this never seems to get easier for me. My mum gets so angry sometimes and my brother and I have to listen to her scream at us about how much of a pig everyone tied to my dad is. This happens way too often. Likewise my dad makes digging comments about my mum which he just expects me to agree with. Which he just goes by as if they are fact never mind what I say. I listen to them both complain about each other and try to turn me and my brother against the other and I just think “how did it get like this? Your love for each other created us and now no matter what you fight over us like vultures over a carcass.” I just can’t see why, after all this time, they can’t just let go and try to overcome their differences. Just enough for me and my brother to be able to love both of them without guilt.

Despite everything though, I think things happened for the best. I firmly believe and always will do that everything happens for a reason. Call it wishful thinking but it’s what I believe. My parents divorce has made me a stronger person, a better person, and without it I may never have moved to Nottingham and May never have met the wonderful people I have here. To those whose parents are separating I say I don’t know what will happen but you can let it and be made stronger because of it.

Chocolate and cranberry cake!

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Chocolate and cranberry cake!

Thinking of making one of these for the family this year as few people actually like Christmas pudding in our house! Made it a couple of years ago and it went down extremely well. Delicious. I would say it’s more of a brownie than a cake though as it’s so moist due to the ground almonds and cranberry mixture in the middle! 

I thought it made it much easier not having to mess about baking two separate halves or cutting it in half once baked, but just baking it with the filling inside it- saves precious time as Christmas is always very busy!

If you are thinking of making a cake like this, I would strongly recommend this recipe!

love as always 

Millie xx

Feelings. Help!

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I am so new to these feelings, I have no idea what to do. Ive never felt so totally struck by one person. I’ve never felt like I want to just grab them and hold them close no matter where we are. Never just wanted to kiss them and tell them how amazing they are, and all the little things I love about them. Never felt so completely heartbroken when I think about how they could never possibly feel the same way.

I guess you could say I’m a women possessed. No one ever warned me about feelings like this! I’ve never had lessons in what to do with feelings like this! I really need help I’m so confused and emotional. Please if anyone has any advice or experience, share it?

Millie x