No one can forget the people they once were. Not completely anyway in my opinion. Like anything you don’t want to remember you can push it to the farthest corner of your mind and bury it but, even if it is purely down to the stubbornness of the human mind which has to do something it has been told is forbidden, you can’t delete it. And nobody should have to, not in this day and age. But whether it’s through fear of judgement, embarrassment, or because remembering is just too painful, there are so many people out there who box up their pasts and attempt to re-invent themselves.
Now there is nothing wrong with wanting a fresh start (believe me I’ve been there) but there is no point in trying to pretend the past didn’t happen. It did and it can’t be changed. But hey guess what? That doesn’t matter! You might not be able to forget the past but that doesn’t mean you can’t move forward from it. With time’s gracious assistance you can transform into anyone you want, regardless of whats previously happened. Don’t let the past feel like baggage you wish you could leave behind, let it instead be one of the many balloons flying you towards your future. It is a part of who you were, and will be a part of who you will become. Your past is a part of you. Don’t let that feel like a deterrent, the more you resist it the more it will drag you down. Embrace it and you are free to do and be whatever you want to next.
I leave you with- like a true whovian-the wise words of the 11th Doctor:
“We all change, when you think about it. We’re all different people all through our lives. And that’s okay, that’s good, you’ve got to keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be”
Reading something for pleasure is very different from reading a text for school. You might take in the writing the same way first time round but in your own time you might finish a book, think about it, and then replace said book to the shelf. At school/college etc you have to take it apart and put it back together again-seeing it in totally different ways. You analyse and think about bits you may have hardly noticed when reading it the first time and sometimes see the book how it’s really meant to be seen. I think of it as passive vs active reading.
However sometimes relentless discussing and writing about one text can get tiresome and in extreme cases kill any love you may have originally had for the book (like GCSE English did for me with ‘Of Mice and Men’). This for me is a fundamental flaw with the way literature is taught, because yes obviously we need to look for the deeper meanings in texts but by dissecting them as much as we do it means we only get to study a few texts a year. There’s got to be some way of broadening this so that you read generally and then study specific texts in detail. It saddens me that a lot of people will read so little in their lives because of how the later education system doesn’t open you so much to it.
I have a question for you. If you could rewind time would you? Think carefully because heres the catch, you can rewind time to any point in your past but you can’t fastforward back to now. You’ll have to relive the whole of your life up till this point again and all the years you relive will be chopped off the end of your life (or if you are say 80 and you are only ‘destined’ to live for e.g four more years you can rewind as far as you want but will only live/relive four years). Would you do it? Would you sacrifice some or all of your unknown future years to amend past mistakes or relive the best moment of your life so far? Or would you move on from your past and cherish the good times in your heart becasue who’s to say the future won’t be much greater than the past?
This is something to think about all the times when you torture yourself over the mistakes youve made, the people you’ve lost and the good times you can never get back. Because what youre doing is essentially what i mentioned above: letting the past take away some of your future. Every moment you spend wishing you could go back and do something again is a moment you could have spent doing amazing new things. Of course it’s important to cherish our past and remember where we’ve come from but it’s far more important to be at peace with the fact that the past is the past and cannot be changed. But the future is putty in our hands and we can shape it however we choose. It holds so much we don’t know and just think, each amazing past memory was once an unknown future- there’s plenty more out there!
“We talked about our voices as writers–how they are strong and brave but how as people we are wimps. This is what creates our craziness. The chasm between the great love we feel for the world when we sit and write about it and the disregard we give it in our own human lives.”
I have suffered a case of what I guess people call writers block lately. I’m hesitant to call it that as i’m not sure i’m qualified to call myself a writer, I don’t know that I feel properly like one yet and I don’t want to degrade the term by applying it to myself. Maybe that’s a bit harsh but that’s certainly how I felt until i read the above quote today. It totally resonated with me and made thinking of myself as a writer a bit less unjust in my eyes.
Inside my head I have this whole world of ideas and angles on everything I observe around me and most of the time it’s all a jumbled mess but once i sit down and focus on something and get in out of my brain and onto paper or onto a word document it makes a whole lot more sense. That has always been the base of my justification that one day I could become a real writer.
When I saw this quote today it was such a strange moment because it was a thought I have had so often I thought of it as exclusive to me, and yet there it was written down on a screen by someone else I’d never even heard (since seeing it I have done my research ) of much more eloquently than i could have put it. This is one of the most beautiful things about literature, how it connects people-most of the time unknowingly to the author- and makes them feel that ultimately they are not alone and that there is at least one other person out there who feels odd in the same way that you do.
Today Is Friday so the house smells of freshly baked sweet things. I have no cooking skills in terms of meals but a good cake? That I can do. Today I baked a cinnamon and apple loaf to use up all the wrinkly apples int he fruit bowl. Cinnamon is my ultimate versatile favourite when it comes to baking at this time of year-along with ginger of course. It’s just so Christmassy and homely and the smell immediately feels welcoming to any guests. I’m keeping my spirits up, Christmas and baking delicious things helps with that. Because you’ll know all too well that if there’s one time of year you don’t want to be sad it’s the Christmas period. There’s no room for anything but joy and the odd grumble!
I’m struggling to do things at the moment. The last two weeks of term arrive and suddenly I’m burdened with deadlines and mock exams and the workload is taking up valuable energy that I wanted to give to this season and to you Christmas. I have to prioritise this work over things I want to do like decorate the house and spend time with friends which saddens me somewhat. Life is so full right now, Christmas that I’m struggling to soak it all up. I love being busy but there’s a limit and it frustrates me to no end when I don’t have time to do everything that I want to do. I’ve never been so busy at this time of year before and I feel like its a taste of what’s to come and I’m not sure I’m prepared.
Sorry I know I’m a little late, as with everything really. I’m using the excuse that it always takes me a few days into December to really get in the Christmassy mood. Now that I’m breaking out the extremely thick jumpers and coats-you know, the ones that practically count as duvets-and it’s fully acceptable for me to blast out the cheesy Christmas music I can really feel your approach. It gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling in my stomach just thinking about how close you really are. I love christmas time. Everyone just seems a bit happier, friendlier, more hopeful-I mean you get the occasional Scrooge but for the most part the atmosphere is a lot more positive. Even the commercialism is pretty at Christmas time-there I said it! Aside from the fact that sixth form is doubly busy at this time, I am extremely excited for the next few weeks building up to you. My favourite time of the year.