A writer?

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“We talked about our voices as writers–how they are strong and brave but how as people we are wimps. This is what creates our craziness. The chasm between the great love we feel for the world when we sit and write about it and the disregard we give it in our own human lives.”
~Natalie Goldberg~

I have suffered a case of what I guess people call writers block lately. I’m hesitant to call it that as i’m not sure i’m qualified to call myself a writer, I don’t know that I feel properly like one yet and I don’t want to degrade the term by applying it to myself. Maybe that’s a bit harsh but that’s certainly how I felt until i read the above quote today. It totally resonated with me and made thinking of myself as a writer a bit less unjust in my eyes.

Inside my head I have this whole world of ideas and angles on everything I observe around me and most of the time it’s all a jumbled mess but once i sit down and focus on something and get in out of my brain and onto paper or onto a word document it makes a whole lot more sense. That has always been the base of my justification that one day I could become a real writer.

When I saw this quote today it was such a strange moment because it was a thought I have had so often I thought of it as exclusive to me, and yet there it was written down on a screen by someone else I’d never even heard (since seeing it I have done my research ) of much more eloquently than i could have put it. This is one of the most beautiful things about literature, how it connects people-most of the time unknowingly to the author- and makes them feel that ultimately they are not alone and that there is at least one other person out there who feels odd in the same way that you do.

Millie xx

Letters to Christmas 3

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Dear Christmas

Today Is Friday so the house smells of freshly baked sweet things. I have no cooking skills in terms of meals but a good cake? That I can do. Today I baked a cinnamon and apple loaf to use up all the wrinkly apples int he fruit bowl. Cinnamon is my ultimate versatile favourite when it comes to baking at this time of year-along with ginger of course. It’s just so Christmassy and homely and the smell immediately feels welcoming to any guests. I’m keeping my spirits up, Christmas and baking delicious things helps with that. Because you’ll know all too well that if there’s one time of year you don’t want to be sad it’s the Christmas period. There’s no room for anything but joy and the odd grumble!

Love Millie xx

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These letters are inspired by the letters to summer, letters to autumn and letters to winter series’ by these lovely people who you should defiantly check out!
Emily (July): http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLB-25rlZzWcME0QDxxSI171zesC97tgYG

Carrie(autumn): http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLfuWu_9IeKiQJQ-LrziNAloIyyhYevFhR

Jenny (winter): http://youtu.be/EKlClwJ6AJI

Letters to Christmas 2

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Dear Christmas

I’m struggling to do things at the moment. The last two weeks of term arrive and suddenly I’m burdened with deadlines and mock exams and the workload is taking up valuable energy that I wanted to give to this season and to you Christmas. I have to prioritise this work over things I want to do like decorate the house and spend time with friends which saddens me somewhat. Life is so full right now, Christmas that I’m struggling to soak it all up. I love being busy but there’s a limit and it frustrates me to no end when I don’t have time to do everything that I want to do. I’ve never been so busy at this time of year before and I feel like its a taste of what’s to come and I’m not sure I’m prepared.

Love Millie xx

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These letters are inspired by the letters to summer, letters to autumn &and letters to winter series’ by these lovely people who you should defiantly check out!
Emily (July): http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLB-25rlZzWcME0QDxxSI171zesC97tgYG

Carrie(autumn): http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLfuWu_9IeKiQJQ-LrziNAloIyyhYevFhR

Jenny (winter): http://youtu.be/EKlClwJ6AJI

Letters to Christmas 1

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Dear Christmas

Sorry I know I’m a little late, as with everything really. I’m using the excuse that it always takes me a few days into December to really get in the Christmassy mood. Now that I’m breaking out the extremely thick jumpers and coats-you know, the ones that practically count as duvets-and it’s fully acceptable for me to blast out the cheesy Christmas music I can really feel your approach. It gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling in my stomach just thinking about how close you really are. I love christmas time. Everyone just seems a bit happier, friendlier, more hopeful-I mean you get the occasional Scrooge but for the most part the atmosphere is a lot more positive. Even the commercialism is pretty at Christmas time-there I said it! Aside from the fact that sixth form is doubly busy at this time, I am extremely excited for the next few weeks building up to you. My favourite time of the year.
With love

Millie xx
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This was inspired by the letters to summer, letters to autumn & letters to winter series’s by these lovely people who you should defiantly check out!
Emily (July): http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLB-25rlZzWcME0QDxxSI171zesC97tgYG

Carrie(autumn): http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLfuWu_9IeKiQJQ-LrziNAloIyyhYevFhR

Jenny (winter): http://youtu.be/EKlClwJ6AJI

Present, future and past

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As I sit once more and think about the future and what the hell I want to happen in it I get this weird sense of déjà vu. It’s crazy to think that I’ve been here before because there is no logical way that I can have been, and the scientist part of me (which keeps growing stronger lately) tells me that this idea is impossible. However I like to think that the reason I am finding it so hard to decide what to do with my life is because I have done so many things before that my soul is conflicted and confused at the thought of having to choose only one now. This sounds a bit mad and honestly it could just be wishful thinking, but there’s always been a part of me that believes in past lives and I find myself discovering more and more little clues that support this idea as each day passes.

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Hope you don’t think me too crazy after these musings!

love as always

Millie x

Normal?

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There’s nothing ordinary about being normal. Nothing boring, nothing mundane nothing wrong. The word normal implies you are not your own person, that you are nothing special- a clone who isn’t thinking for them self or doing anything worthwhile. This is just not true. It is my belief that we are all normal, especially in the sense that we all try so desperately not to be. We cling to this idea that we are different to everyone else around us and in some ways yes we are each completely different from each other but in others we are simply the same.

Don’t cling to the idea that not being normal makes you better than everyone else because no human being is better than any other human being. Be yourself always but don’t worry about being normal or not because it is a subjective term which in reality applies to each and every person on this planet. No matter what you do.

Millie x

These things will change

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I find an old photo.

I sit there and look at this photo. A sweet young girl stares back at me with a bright beaming smile in her face that let’s me know that something terribly exciting must’ve happened because only something amazing could warrant such a heartfelt smile. This girl, with her topknot of slightly curly hair and chubby cheeks and eyes that seem a million colours all at once, is a stranger to me. Yet at some time or other she was me and I her. It stirs up a strange morbid feeling in me that I can’t remember ever being that girl and in just years we have gone from being the same person to totally different ones.

As I straighten my shirt in the mirror and try in vain to make my now flat hair a bit more thick-looking, I take a good look at myself. How long will it be before I can’t remember being this girl? Will I one day look back and see the girl I am now as a stranger but for the multicoloured eyes looking back at me?

Right now I feel good, not great mind but good. And the idea that one day this girl will be so different that she may hardly recognise her past self terrifies me.

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Millie xx