13: Feelings I love


Well hello to you in my first ’13’ series! To start things off I thought I’d give you thirteen very specific but at the same time very simple feelings that I love. I often try and remember these wonderful feelings when I’m swamped in those…well…not so wonderful feelings. Pulling yourself out from any swarm of sadness big or small is often difficult and for me it’s memories of feelings like these that really help pick me up, or make me want to pick myself up so I can go out and feel good things again.

  1. That rare moment when you get to hug someone you really care about that doesn’t really ‘do’ hugs but for some reason or other they’re giving you one now which feels lovely even if it’s because something bad has happened. (and of course they give amazing hugs so you just cling on and try and make it last as long as possible.)

2. That feeling of relief when you really thought you’d lost your phone/keys/wallet and then you suddenly feel them in your bag

3. When you sip your tea and realise it’s at optimum drinking temperature and you relish it because you know that will have been the most perfect sip of the entire mug.

3. The feeling of total freedom when you let yourself and all your energy loose in an “absolute bloody tuuuuune”

4. That feeling of comfort when you change into lounging gear or pyjamas and plonk yourself down on the sofa or your bed.

5. The feeling of complete comfort once you’ve come in from the pouring rain-having got absaloutly soaked- and change into dry, comfy clothes then curl up with a cup of tea listening to the rain pour outside.

6. The climactic feeling of excitement when you’re settled down ready to watch a new season if a favourite show and the titles and theme tune start playing.

7. The moment you slide into bed on your first night back after going on holiday-because you never sleep better anywhere other than your own bed.

8. Reading a book and coming across something, a feeling, a thought or an idea that you thought unique to you. That you thought you were alone in thinking. Yet here it is written on paper by someone else you’ve probably never met or even someone long dead. And you no longer feel alone. That connection to someone you don’t even know, who doesn’t even know they’ve made that connection to you is probably my favourite thing about reading.

9. The kind of laughter that’s so intense it actually hurts your stomach. Part of you wants it to stop because you can’ breathe and there’s a sharp pain in your stomach but in reality there’s no way of stopping it because you’re right in the middle of this whirlpool of hilarity.

10. The feeling-however brief-of normality within my family. This is a particularly personal one for me what with having divorced parents living at opposite ends of the country and many step/half siblings. Things can often be messy but whether it’s playing a board game with the seven people that make up my dads household, or watching mamma mia for the millionth time with my mum, sometimes things feel pretty perfect and I couldn’t wish for a more loving and wonderful family.

11. Finishing a book and feeling like the characters are not so much characters in a book but old friends whom you no longer see. This kind of genius writing and amazing character craftsmanship is something that dumbfounds me every time I finish a really good book- how do these authors do it?!?!? Example/recommendation: One day by David Nicholls

12. When you and you’e friends have that you get light-headed feeling when you’ve had slightly too much to drink- not crazy drunk just a bit tipsy- and suddenly everything around you is hilarious to you all and you kind of forget the rest of the world and just have fun.

13.Actually going to bed feeling tired and satisfied because you’ve had an extremely productive day. Yeah I wish this one happened more often…

Please leave in the comments any feelings-big or small- that you love :)

Millie xx

***side note: Sorry this is extremely late. I wanted to have it done for the 13th but I got my AS results last week and they weren’t what I’d hoped for so I’ve just been trying to sort myself out.***

Back in action


So this blog once again took a long nap didn’t it? Honestly I thought about packing in any attempt at blogging or whatever it was I was doing on here because I was starting to feel like I didn’t have anything worth saying to the world. Then I realised I was being ridiculous. Of course I have things I want to say, I just often lack the motivation, inspiration or simply time to say them properly.

When I started this blog it had very little direction (as it still does sorta) and was really just a quiet place I could go to to vent my frustration, share my experiences and try to turn whatever emotions I was feeling into something worth hearing.

Anyway to try and give this mixed up little place a boost I thought I’d try a little series of posts. From now on every month I’m going to write a post with 13 happy things. They might be 13 feelings I love, 13 pick me ups or simply 13 little reasons to be happy. Because I’m a firm believer that happiness-true, untainted and pure happiness- stems not from huge grand gestures, fancy parties and expensive presents but from simple and small but special things.

So watch this space on the 13th of the month (I like the oxymoron of the “unlucky” number here) for 13 reasons to smile and keep on smilin’!

Millie xx

Resist the Mopey Zone


It seems like negativity is just the default option. Whenever things go even slightly wrong the automatic response is to dramatise and ultimately enhance all the bad things happening-making them feel far worse than they actually are. Because it’s easier, right? Something has gone wrong and who wants to make the effort to look on the brightside, thats too much effort it’s much less strenuous to just mope. This is the kind of mindset that I’m trying to avoid lately because it drains so much unnecessary energy from me and doesn’t accomplish anything except putting my mood down.

Obviously I’m not suggesting we’re all robots who should be happy all the time and not let anything upset us or make us angry. Often in hard situations where something’s gone wrong being upset shows you really cared about whatever it was, be it a relationship, a job interview, or a project of some sort. Don’t feel you always have to be okay, give yourself time to get over things and let out your emotions when you’ve lost something you cared about. But don’t get put down by the little things, ask yourself if it’s really worth moping about and try to see some positives in the situation. If that doesn’t work then just think about other things you are thankful for- maybe even make a list, they could be little things like malteasers or big things like your best friend. Remember that no matter how bad things seem there are always things in life to be thankful for. That will make things a lot better than staying in ‘the mopey zone’ for ages! :)

Be happy lovelies!!
Millie xx

All the people you were


No one can forget the people they once were. Not completely anyway in my opinion. Like anything you don’t want to remember you can push it to the farthest corner of your mind and bury it but, even if it is purely down to the stubbornness of the human mind which has to do something it has been told is forbidden, you can’t delete it. And nobody should have to, not in this day and age. But whether it’s through fear of judgement, embarrassment, or because remembering is just too painful, there are so many people out there who box up their pasts and attempt to re-invent themselves.

Now there is nothing wrong with wanting a fresh start (believe me I’ve been there) but there is no point in trying to pretend the past didn’t happen. It did and it can’t be changed. But hey guess what? That doesn’t matter! You might not be able to forget the past but that doesn’t mean you can’t move forward from it. With time’s gracious assistance you can transform into anyone you want, regardless of whats previously happened. Don’t let the past feel like baggage you wish you could leave behind, let it instead be one of the many balloons flying you towards your future. It is a part of who you were, and will be a part of who you will become. Your past is a part of you. Don’t let that feel like a deterrent, the more you resist it the more it will drag you down. Embrace it and you are free to do and be whatever you want to next.

I leave you with- like a true whovian-the wise words of the 11th Doctor:
“We all change, when you think about it. We’re all different people all through our lives. And that’s okay, that’s good, you’ve got to keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be”

Millie xx

A waffle about reading & reading in education


Reading something for pleasure is very different from reading a text for school. You might take in the writing the same way first time round but in your own time you might finish a book, think about it, and then replace said book to the shelf. At school/college etc you have to take it apart and put it back together again-seeing it in totally different ways. You analyse and think about bits you may have hardly noticed when reading it the first time and sometimes see the book how it’s really meant to be seen. I think of it as passive vs active reading.

However sometimes relentless discussing and writing about one text can get tiresome and in extreme cases kill any love you may have originally had for the book (like GCSE English did for me with ‘Of Mice and Men’). This for me is a fundamental flaw with the way literature is taught, because yes obviously we need to look for the deeper meanings in texts but by dissecting them as much as we do it means we only get to study a few texts a year. There’s got to be some way of broadening this so that you read generally and then study specific texts in detail. It saddens me that a lot of people will read so little in their lives because of how the later education system doesn’t open you so much to it.

Time for Time


I have a question for you. If you could rewind time would you? Think carefully because heres the catch, you can rewind time to any point in your past but you can’t fastforward back to now. You’ll have to relive the whole of your life up till this point again and all the years you relive will be chopped off the end of your life (or if you are say 80 and you are only ‘destined’ to live for e.g four more years you can rewind as far as you want but will only live/relive four years). Would you do it? Would you sacrifice some or all of your unknown future years to amend past mistakes or relive the best moment of your life so far? Or would you move on from your past and cherish the good times in your heart becasue who’s to say the future won’t be much greater than the past?

This is something to think about all the times when you torture yourself over the mistakes youve made, the people you’ve lost and the good times you can never get back. Because what youre doing is essentially what i mentioned above: letting the past take away some of your future. Every moment you spend wishing you could go back and do something again is a moment you could have spent doing amazing new things. Of course it’s important to cherish our past and remember where we’ve come from but it’s far more important to be at peace with the fact that the past is the past and cannot be changed. But the future is putty in our hands and we can shape it however we choose. It holds so much we don’t know and just think, each amazing past memory was once an unknown future- there’s plenty more out there!

Millie xx

A writer?


“We talked about our voices as writers–how they are strong and brave but how as people we are wimps. This is what creates our craziness. The chasm between the great love we feel for the world when we sit and write about it and the disregard we give it in our own human lives.”
~Natalie Goldberg~

I have suffered a case of what I guess people call writers block lately. I’m hesitant to call it that as i’m not sure i’m qualified to call myself a writer, I don’t know that I feel properly like one yet and I don’t want to degrade the term by applying it to myself. Maybe that’s a bit harsh but that’s certainly how I felt until i read the above quote today. It totally resonated with me and made thinking of myself as a writer a bit less unjust in my eyes.

Inside my head I have this whole world of ideas and angles on everything I observe around me and most of the time it’s all a jumbled mess but once i sit down and focus on something and get in out of my brain and onto paper or onto a word document it makes a whole lot more sense. That has always been the base of my justification that one day I could become a real writer.

When I saw this quote today it was such a strange moment because it was a thought I have had so often I thought of it as exclusive to me, and yet there it was written down on a screen by someone else I’d never even heard (since seeing it I have done my research ) of much more eloquently than i could have put it. This is one of the most beautiful things about literature, how it connects people-most of the time unknowingly to the author- and makes them feel that ultimately they are not alone and that there is at least one other person out there who feels odd in the same way that you do.

Millie xx